WHERE HAVE WE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE?
So, in case you missed the great big headline on the front page, Alex Ferguson reckons he will retire in three years' time.
Have a wee look here.
EVER DECREASING VALUE
Hmmmm. Yesterday, The Daily Mirror reckoned that AC Milan would be bidding around £20million for Didier Drogba.
Today, their friend and ours The Sun also think the rossoneri are keen on Didier, but they will only stump up a paltry £15million for the striker, who was bloody rubbish on Wednesday by the way.
And they have the ubiquitous 'source close to the player' to back their claims up. Sort of.
"Milan are crazy about Didier. There was a meeting in Milan this week and the Italians said Didier is their priority for this summer" said the in-no-way-made-up source.
Apparently Didier is peeved at Chelski for not giving him a pay-rise, and The Sun incredulously screams that Drogba 'earns HALF skipper John Terry's £140,000-a-week wages'.
Only 70 large a week? Poor lamb.
QUICK OFF THE MARK
Also, a mere week-and-a-half after Karim Benzema said he was staying at Lyon and won't be moving to ManYoo, The Sun reveal to us knuckle-dragging schleps that Karim Benzema is staying at Lyon and won't be moving to ManYoo.
Thanks for clearing that one up for us.
JUVE LOOKING TO BLIGHTY
Far more interesting is this snippet from The Daily Mail.
They reckon that Juventus want to beef up their back four, and have been gazing lovingly at our very own Premier League.
They reckon that Juve 'may test Manchester City's resolve to keep £20m-rated Micah Richards', while they are merely 'keen' on Arsenal's rather rapid and rather good left back Gael Clichy.
The words 'fat' and 'chance' spring immediately to mind.
YOU'LL BE LUCKY SQUIRE
Paul Jewell is not a happy man at the moment.
His team are going down, down, down with not so much as a whimper, and now apparently one of his better (or perhaps 'less rubbish' would be more apt) players wants to do one.
However, Jewell reckons that he'll re-coup most of the money that Derby paid for Kenny Miller last summer.
Presumably raising his voice to be heard over the howls of laughter, Jewell said:
"We paid nearly £2.25m for Kenny.
"I'd like to keep Kenny but I understand if he doesn't want to play in the Championship."
The Mirror reckons that Rangers are interested in taking him back. Fools.
AND THE REST...
Leicester have signed highly-rated Chelsea defender Harry Worley, 19, on loan....AC Milan president Silvio Berlusconi last night declared his aim to take Chelsea flop Andriy Shevchenko back to the San Siro...Mark Hughes in unlikely to hand midfield trialists Johann Vogel and Quinton Fortune contracts this season...Jimmy Calderwood will demand to know next week if Lee Miller and Barry Nicholson will accept contract offers from Aberdeen or move in the summer.