BARRY MOVE ON BRINK OF COLLAPSE
Christ alive, this will not be popular.
On the off chance you haven't seen the dirty great headline on the front of this fair sight, Liverpool's Yankee Doodle Dandy owners have apparently turned down an interest-free loan from a mystery millionaire Scouser (insert own 'That's an awful lot of Giros' joke here') to fund the purchase of Gareth Barry.
Read all about it la, here.
ARSENAL CLOSE IN ON THAT 'EXPERIENCED' MIDFIELDER
When Arsene Wenger said he wanted to sign an 'experienced' midfielder, we thought he meant exactly that.
However, it turns out he may instead have meant 24-year-old Swiss type Gokhan Inler, who while being pretty useful barely has 100 first team appearances under his belt.
However, The Daily Mirror claims Wenger will instead try to steal Ghana midfielder Anthony Annan (aged 22) from Blackburn.
Of course, those two are a relative coffin-dodgers in comparison to the likes of Jack Wilshere, but he still isn't quite what the Gossip Column had in mind.
Read more about that one here.
IT'S 2+2=5 TIME AT OT
Inevitably, after Alex Ferguson said on Friday that he wanted to sign a striker before the start of the new season, the paps have gone into overdrive in speculating on who that forward might be.
And most rags seem to think - presumably in the absence of any imagination/fact - that Dimitar Berbatov is the man in question.
In summary, here's what The Sun and The Daily Mirror have to say on the subject:
'Alex Ferguson aims to land Dimitar Berbatov...blah blah blah...£25million deal...yadda yadda yadda...will be enough to secure the unsettled striker...rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb...'
Seriously. That's what it says. Check if you don't believe us.
NEW NAME IN FOR SANTA CRUZ
Lots and lots of people want the rather good and dashingly handsome (He is. We're a column secure with our sexuality) Roque Santa Cruz, and according to The Daily Mail this morn a new name in is the frame.
That name is Aston Villa, who according to everyone's favourite scare-rag have joined Manchester City in the race for the big Paraguayan.
THINGS LOOKING UP FOR EVERTON?
Word in the papers this morning is that Everton's hitherto barren transfer summer will be livened up in the coming days/weeks.
Encouragement comes from Cameroonian midfielder Stephane M'Bia, who claims Everton have made a £7million offer to Rennes for his services.
"This offer exists. It comes from Everton, who want to buy me for more than 8million euros" he told the usually reliable L'Equipe.
"I want to leave Rennes. Everton are offering me 1.5 million euros a year - Rennes could never offer me that much."
Meanwhile, The Sun reckons the Toffees are in an orderly queue along with Blackburn and Newcastle to bag Zenit St Petersburg midfielder Anatoliy Tymoschuk for around £7million, and The Daily Mail claims David Moyes is closing in on both Diego Milito and Joao Moutinho.
Makes a nice change from being linked with Alan Smith, eh Toffees?
AND THE REST...
Blackburn's out-of-favour striker Maceo Rigters is going to Barnsley on loan...Mark Hughes has rejected Torino's bid for Rolando Bianchi...Stoke plan a £1million move for Charlton midfielder Amdy Faye...Chairman Steve Gibson last night claimed Middlesbrough's shock decision to sell Luke Young to Aston Villa was a no-brainer...Hull are desperate to beat West Brom to the £2million signing of Abdoulaye Meite...Freddie Ljungberg is considering an offer to join David Beckham at LA Galaxy...Sam Sodje's move to Charlton has been put on hold after the Reading defender underwent knee surgery...Ipswich have moved close to signing David Nugent in a £5.5million deal from Portsmouth...Stoke are waiting to hear if their bid to sign giant Valencia striker Nikola Zigic has been successful....Blackburn Rovers and Wigan Athletic are tracking Jimmy Bullard after Fulham refused to engage in contract negotiations